Self Love

There are so many topics surrounding body image that I am just bursting to write about. Sometimes I am surprised I’m not tired of talking about it, but I feel that it’s something to stay aware of and on top of. I want to be real about it, and call out things that we all do, but never admit to. I want to share my experiences, flawed as they are, and hope that they are relatable on some level that make you breathe a sigh of relief. You are not the only one! We all wish our leg hair didn't grow as fast as it does, pop our pimples when we shouldn't, and need to hold in farts during certain situations. This is real life! I've lived far too long of mine trying to pretend those things aren't normal as opposed to something to be embarrassed by. 

When it comes to our bodies, we spend far more time comparing our weaknesses to others' strengths, leaving no room for actual camaraderie and safety in the insecurities we all struggle with. There is so much we can learn from each other, if we are willing to be vulnerable enough to say, "I'm in that boat too. I struggle with loving things about myself and I sometimes feel I'm alone in the battle." No two people will find peace with their bodies in the exact way, but there are so many beautiful places to find inspiration, motivation, and above all, truth. These things are designed to be shared with each other as we learn and grow while also building each other up. 


I would like to share with you some of the things that have greatly impacted me in my journey to self-love, and hope you find value in integrating them into your life.

Be intentional about self-love

I have spent the last two years being very intentional about weight loss, muscle definition, and strength. It has taken strategic planning, mindful preparation, time management, finances, and a shit-ton of incredibly hard work. But if you've read my other blogs, you'll know that while it left me with a rockin' bod, I had no more self love than when I started. I needed to be just as intentional about loving myself as I was about working on myself. Those things go hand in hand, and both require a great deal of effort. If loving your body does not come naturally to you, I cannot stress this enough, deliberately work on it! This means actively doing things that change your mindset - replacing negative self talk with positive thoughts about yourself, talking about it with people close to you, reading articles and interviews and blogs about the subject of body image and self love. There is so much good out there surrounding these topics and it's amazing what happens to your psyche when you start to fill your mind with it.

Find role models

What is your media - social or otherwise - of choice? Facebook, movies, celebrities, online magazines? I spend most of my media time on Instagram, which has a huge fitness faction full of motivational quotes, girls lifting heavy weights, and sharing their imperfect fitness journeys. But there are also a lot of gym selfies and progress pictures that may or may not make me feel really awful about myself. One day I realized that half my IG feed was full of really tiny girls who dedicated their life to the gym and never went out for wing night with their friends. The more you fill your mind with something, the more you believe it to be a larger truth than it may actually be in reality. 

Those girls make up a very small percent of the population, but because I wanted so badly to be like them, I felt like the only one who couldn't seem to make it happen. 

So I started unfollowing them, and replacing my feed with girls who were more similar to me. Girls who have huge appetites, but strive to eat well. Girls who are naturally a little thicker, but enjoy hitting the gym to lift. Girls who have other interests and friends and passions in life that don't always include perfect bodies. I also find a lot inspiration and assurance in female actresses and comedians who defy the conventional standards put on women and set a new normal with their natural, beautifully created bodies. Women like Mindy Kaling, Jennifer Lawrence, Lena Dunham, Beyoncé, and Tina Fey, to name a few. 

Buy and wear clothes that fit you

This is a big one for me, and really shouldn't be as hard as it seems to be. I have spent most of my adult life around a size 6, wishing to be a size 4. It's not a huge jump, I haven't asked to be a 00 or anything, so you would think that putting genuine effort into my health and body composition would reward me with such reasonable size requests. Well let me tell you that the only brief moment in time that I could squeeze my tush into a pair of size 4 shorts that I purchased for a photo shoot was the week right before and the week right after my competition. Once that was over, it was all downhill (uphill?) from there. Wait, what? 

The way I have come to explain it (to myself, in my own head…) is that we all have "default bodies" and "striving bodies." When I say default, I don't mean letting it all go and putting zero effort into your health and fitness. (That brings me to a size 8 or more, depending how long I let that go on.) I mean living normally while eating dessert sometimes, but not every day, going for long walks or to the gym a few times a week, and putting solid mindfulness into our decisions. I realize that may not seem "default" to everyone, but bear with me.   

The striving life is one with one or no dessert per week, intense physical activity at least every other day, and meal preparation to ensure you stay on track. You have a purpose, and you are intentionally trying to lose weight. You know you can't live that way forever, but you have goals to meet, and will find balance later.  

My striving body fits a size 4. My - go to the gym 2+ hours per day, eat very restrictively, and never have a cheat meal - body fits the size I would like to be. So I finally gave up that desire because I don't want to live like that. I have become perfectly happy with my size, and will only buy clothes that fit and flatter my beautiful body. Any clothes I own that don't fit me (because I foolishly bought them in the two week magic time portal) will be given away, because I will not let pieces of material make me feel bad about myself. It's ok to not fit things anymore, one way or the other. Feeling comfortable and amazing in size 6 pants is 100% better than feeling squished and gross in size 4 pants that you keep because you wish they fit, and wear because you feel guilty owning things you don't wear. Strive sometimes, yes, but more than that, embrace your default body (which may take a while to find) and rock your outfits accordingly. 

When you are working on a body-related goal, find the right motivation 

We have to tread carefully here. I am 100%, completely in favour of setting fitness goals for yourself, and working hard to achieve them. I have helped so many people with this, see great value in pushing yourself to new levels, and know it does marvelous things for not only your health, but your self esteem, energy, and passion for life. But first and foremost, your motive has to be in the right place. Just a heads up from oodles of personal experience that changing your body for the sole purpose of looking good is not the right place. Feeling good is right. Being healthy is right. But appearance only has got to be the worst motivator around. I don't think I need to say anymore about that.  

I would also like to write a whole post about having realistic goals and knowing when you celebrate progress (spoiler: always), but we will save that for another day.  

A huge focus shift I have had for myself is making the habits to get to my goal more important than the goal itself. If you’ve ever heard the term “fall in love with the process” this is exactly it. Meaning, I know I need to eat healthy and be active in order to achieve a certain body type/level of fitness/internal health/whatever my goals are. But in the past I have spent way more time caring only about my end goals (short or long term) and hating the way to get there, as opposed to just being proud of myself for putting in the work. Now, instead of my goal being to lose five pounds, my goal is simply to eat as well as I can each day, and hit the gym four times a week with lots of walks in between. Some weeks are better than that, and some weeks are not, and that’s totally all right. #balance  

Know the truth about your identity

If you are someone who believes in God, this one is found straight in His manual for our lives. Scripture is full of beautiful truths that tell us who we are and what we were created for. These are some of my favourites:

"For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us to be adopted as his children through Jesus Christ." - Ephesians 1:4-5

"You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light." - 1 Peter 1:9

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." - 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 "I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." - Psalm 139:14 

 

I give Him all the credit for leading me out of my negative self image and doubt. His words are more powerful than anything else I fill my mind with, and the motivational tools listed above are some of the things He uses to guide us into the life He created for us - one where we love who He shaped us to be and care for the physical body He designed. His truth for you is that you are His daughter, you are beautiful, you have a great purpose, and nothing will ever make you unlovable to Him. Hold onto that.