But what is it that makes us care so much in the first place?
This, my friends, takes us into some dark places of the minds of many women (I won't say all, because some of you beauties have truly mastered the art of positive body image, and you inspire the heck out of the rest of us. Keep that up, would you?) There are so many reasons we as women want to look and feel our best: personal satisfaction, health, the approval of other women, the approval of men, compliments from our friends; just to name a few. The one I want to dissect and expose is one that is unspoken and most times unknown. It's more of a sense or look we get without any words attached to it to obtain its full meaning.
Sometimes as women, we present ourselves for the silent approval of complete strangers.
We know most of our friends won't judge our appearance (because we choose our peeps wisely and are surrounded by the best) but what if a stranger thinks I look fat in this dress? What if that girl over there notices the zit on my forehead and doesn't think I'm pretty? What if those guys see my arm fat jiggle and silently laugh at me? On the flip side we wonder, does the cashier think my carefully planned outfit is as cute as I think it is? Is that girl totally jealous of my thick, luscious hair? Are those guys checking out my long, tanned legs? Maybe I'm speaking to myself here, but I'm willing to bet you have had at least one of these thoughts.
For whatever reason, we let the opinions of people we will probably never speak to or see again dictate how we feel about ourselves. It sounds ridiculous when you say it out loud, and yet it's so difficult to let go of. We crave the validation of others, whether we know them or not. Don't even get me started on social media fronts and appearances and the feelings we associate with likes on photos. I'll be the first to admit I'm a sucker for it. But we do it in real life too, and I can't for the life of me figure out why I care so much. One thing is for sure: the more I think about other people's thoughts about me, the more I have those types of thoughts about others. I once spent a whole summer looking at every girl's waistline on the beach trying to measure where I fit in.
"Oh she has a beautiful tummy, I wish I looked like that."
"I think I'm roughly the same size as her, and she's wearing a one piece. Shit, should I be wearing a one piece?!"
"Ok well I probably look a little better than that girl in my bikini, so I'm doing all right."
Just being real, folks. If no one else is going to say it, I will. We all judge people at varying degrees. I know the times I'm being the most judgmental are the times I'm most insecure about myself, and my thoughts about others are just reflections of the thoughts I have about myself.
So I started trying something. I started caring less about what rand-os on the street thought about how I looked. I started caring less about what my friends thought about how I looked. Heck, I even started caring less about what my husband thought about how I looked (although, let's be honest, that opinion is my favourite because it stays beautiful even when I'm not.)
You can probably guess what happened. I genuinely started simultaneously loving myself more and having almost only positive thoughts and opinions about other people. It's crazy how powerful that is, and so vital to our self-image. Uplifting and empowering others more than we think about ourselves - sounds like a game changer to me. I read this in a blog the other day and it really struck me:
"The best hostesses don’t worry about whether company feels good about their home or food or throw pillows or what have you. The best hostesses just make sure company feels good about themselves. That seems like the better way. This reminds me of my friend, Angela, who thought she was twenty pounds overweight, but didn’t care much. She always wore a bikini to our neighborhood pool and one day she said, “Listen. I’m a little fat. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about that because I’ve got stuff to do. As a matter of fact- with these seven million kids and a husband and a job – I’ve got no time for charity work. So to make the world a better place, I wear this bikini to the pool. You know, so other women who DO worry about their weight will feel awesome in comparison. No skin off my nose. That’s my good deed. Done. Check.'”
First off, Angela sounds hilarious and wonderful and like someone I want to meet. Secondly, who am I in that story? Most times I'm one of the other women worrying about my weight and think the answer to feeling better about myself by looking at other women. When I really think about it though, I would much rather be Angela who "doesn't care much" and is more concerned with making sure other people feel good about themselves in humorous and unorthodox ways. I would rather be known for spreading positivity and joy and good vibes than for looking great and making others feel bad about their appearance. It's so obvious to say, but my thoughts don't always reflect that desire. I'm working on it though. Very intentionally working on it.
So this summer when we all get out on the beach with our bodies; when we take off our tank tops to reveal a bikini or a one piece or we leave our top on; when we decide if we feel fabulous on our own or depend on the opinion of others, silent or not; and whether we feel "ready" or not…here we come :)
No comments:
Post a Comment