This is going to get a bit more personal than usual. As of recently, the number one thing that God is teaching me is how to let go.
I am a person who loves change. I don't like to eat the same thing for dinner twice in a month, I love vacations and trying new things, I like to always have something going on in my life and keep it exciting. I do not, however, like when the people around me change. Changing of their personalities and positive growth is wonderful and encouraged, but change such as moving away or doing something that pulls away from their life with me, is very hard to swallow. I like to have the people I love as close to me as possible, with as much time together as possible. I'm not good at loving from a distance, and I'm not good at watching people go. But as I get older, and my life and friends' lives change, I have to get over it.
Even though nothing about my life itself is changing, I feel that I am in a huge state of transition. At work, my close friend and mentor of three years left to move on to other things. As of today, my best friend at work and the only person within 20 years of my age is leaving to go to school. My brother and one of my best friends are both getting married, which is exciting, but I know great change will come along with that. And most of all, my best friend in the whole world is moving to another province for a year. This. Is. Hard.
Now if you're a person who is a little more transient than I am, this maybe wouldn't be as difficult for you. I sometimes envy those who can just pick up and move or let go of people without such agony and weepy goodbyes. I suck at all of that and usually let my heart be stretched and bruised. I realize most of it is my own fault and emotions. I'm not a basket case, but I'm not good at loving without the agony. I let myself feel it all, no matter how big or small the injury.
But the first thing I had to realize was this: no one is doing this to intentionally hurt me.
Moving on to better things is something that should be celebrated by friends, not stunted because of their own heartache. I need to completely selflessly let them go with joy and be happy for the plan God has for them. Whether or not it includes me. Gulp. It's not that they don't want to be where I am, it's that they need to be somewhere I'm not.
The next thing I am still fully learning is: I can still love them with the same power as if they were right here with me.
I still am not entirely sure how to do this, and it is only by God's love that I am able to maintain that balance. I'm an all or nothing kind of girl, and loving passionately without all the benefits of them being present in my life is very difficult. It would be far easier for me to just shut off my emotions toward them and pretend they are not in my life anymore. Harsh, I know, but it would be easier. But God didn't call us to the easier. He called us to love.
I believe God has called me to both love and inspire, and I need to do that with the gifts He has supplied me with and continues to grow in me. I need to love, not only my friends, but the people in the world who desperately need love. The people who don't receive love and the people who need God's love. He has called me to focus much of my intense ability to love on more than just those who are easy to love.
Matthew 5:43-48 says, "You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbour
and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that
you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise
on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the
unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."
So I will learn to let go and how to still love. I will love those who are more difficult to love than my friends, and I will learn to love from a distance. God IS love, and is living inside of me. And that is my best chance.
