25 Years of Learning

I turned 25 yesterday. Felt like a big milestone - quarter of a century and all that jazz. I'm not usually one to make birthday goals, but this year I actually had a few. I've hit most of them, but more importantly I've done a whole heck of a lot of life reflection.  I want to spend my whole life learning, especially about the beauty of people and the joys of life. Though 25 may still be young, it has done me well, and I look forward to the next 25 years of learning.

Here's a list of 25 things I've learned in 25 years:

1. Your parents are so much smarter than you thought

We all know that, and finally learn to appreciate it when we're older. Just had to get the obvious out of the way.

2. Keep trying new foods

I grew up hating natural peanut butter and vegetables (and a host of other things - picky eaters FTW!) Now, I could eat a jar of natural PB in one sitting, and the vegetables...well I've added at least a few new ones to my palette!

3. Stop wearing clothes you don't feel fabulous in

We all have outfits that make us feel amazing, and outfits that make us feel uncomfortable. Maybe the waistband cinches our love handles too tightly, or the shirt creates a uni-boob (come on, you know the uni-boob look). Why do we wear these things? Because we feel guilty owning things we never wear? That's my problem. Why I bought it in the first place, I'll never know. But my clothes don't have feelings and won't feel left out if I keep choosing the other pair of jeans. Give them away, donate them, or throw them out.

4. Learn to enjoy your job, or find a new one

It doesn't need to be your dream career for you to enjoy it, either. Find the things that you really appreciate about where you work, and stop griping so much about how much better it could be. Even being in my dream job, there's things I wish were different, but it's a waste of energy focusing on the negative.

5. Fail videos, especially ones with kids, will always be hilarious.

6. Drink more water

Seriously. This isn't just mom or fitness advice here. I'm up to six litres a day, and my insides have never felt better. You definitely don't have to drink that much (unless you want to join me in the pee-every-half-hour club) but drink more than you are right now. Your body will thank you.

7. Smiling at people and saying hello as you walk by isn't actually that scary

For some reason, despite living in a small town my whole life, I've always had a weird fear of this. It probably comes from insecurities and feeling like I don't have the "right" to talk to certain people - what?? It's really quite freeing and wonderful once you pick up the habit.

8. Having nice legs for summer is a fruitless effort if you live in Manitoba

Mosquitoes = red bumps, bruises, and scratch marks. Just give up the dream. 

9. Friendships are going to come and go

And that's really ok. Sometimes those people will still be in your life, but your relationship will look totally different. That was a really tough one for me, but I'm learning to really value the close friendships I do have, and be at peace with the ones that have drifted.

10. Being on the same "team" as your spouse is a fun, worthwhile adventure

Some couples like to have their own hobbies, friendships, and goals, and that works wonderfully for them. But for Justin and I, we've discovered one of the best things we can do for our relationship is to go after and do the same things. We've always had the same large social group, musical tastes, hobbies, etc. but this year we took it to a whole 'notha level with our fitness goals, house building plans, business endeavors, and new relationships. When we're on the same team going for the same thing, we are a force to be reckoned with. If that works for you, I say go for it! 

11. Candy Crush is a soul sucking black hole

Get out while you still can.

12. Getting up early isn't as awful as you thought

I hate early mornings with a fiery passion, but with my morning cardio sessions, I have learned to appreciate them. It gets easier every time - promise.

13. Mentors are incredibly valuable

I have someone I meet with every few months who simply listens to what I have to tell her, asks challenging questions, and gives beautiful Godly advice. It's like a therapist I don't have to pay for and we drink tea and sit in a hot tub. I have gained so much wisdom from these times and I highly recommend finding such a person in your life.

14. Long distance best friendships are really difficult, but entirely worth it

Two of my very best friends moved away indefinitely this year, and it was very hard. I fought it at first, and didn't like anything about it. But I've come to appreciate the new relationship we've developed, and have done a lot of traveling recently! It's a different kind of loving someone, and I'm enjoying it.

15. Somebody out there wishes they had your body type

So stop complaining about yours. This is an entire post on its own, so I'll leave it at that for now.

16. I will probably never like coffee

I've tried it in every form and a Coffee Crisp is still the closest I'll get. I blame my persistent sweet tooth and disdain for anything remotely bitter.

17. Sometimes it's entirely worth it to stay up late and get very little sleep

Sometimes it's far more worth it to go to bed early get a good nights rest. Know the difference.

18. Memes are hilarious

I hope they never die. I couldn't go back to a life without them.

19. Telling someone they are beautiful doesn't make you less beautiful

As females, especially, we are often so reserved when it comes to complimenting others. Self-esteem issues and all that nonsense. Think about the last few times someone complimented or spoke words of life over you. You remember it, don't you? Now go be that person for someone else.

20. Stop eating foods that make you feel like garbage

This isn't a gluten-dairy-sugar-free rant by any means, but it is a suggestion to figure out which foods (if any - you might be a lucky one) make your insides feel like they're turning inside out. I've had stomach issues my whole life, with the best suggestion from a doctor being "eat Activia yogurt". Once I got on a meal plan that eliminated some of those food items, I feel like I have a brand new stomach! I still indulge here and there (and pay for it later), but for the most part, avoid the foods that cause pain and discomfort.

21. Grammar is really important

The internet will mock you mercilessly if you don't get it right. Thank you tiny weird elementary school for having an entire class dedicated to this important item for me. I knew how to use semi colons by grade three. (Please don't judge me if you find any typos...)

22. I think about food more than what is socially acceptable

I don't understand when people forget to eat or only eat three meals a day. I'm ridiculous, I know.

23. Surrounding yourself with quality people is essential

You become who you spend time with. I am very thankful for this truth, because I'm surrounded by some of the best human beings around. I inundated with love from and for them. I wouldn't choose anyone else.

24. You are capable of more than you think

Last year at this time I was still only dreaming of having a body I was proud of. I never thought I could actually do something about it and achieve some pretty huge goals. Now, I'm on my way to a fitness competition, have seen amazing changes, and gained a lot of insight in the process. I would have never believed I could do half of the things I've accomplished, and have learned to not let fear and doubt stand in the way of my dreams! *insert cheesy music

25. God's grace and love is overwhelmingly powerful. 

There is nothing that compares and I need it each day to survive and succeed. I'm so glad I discovered that early on.

Thank you for believing in me

I sincerely apologize for my lack of posts in the last two months. I'm not quite sure who I am apologizing to as I never really know who reads my ramblings, but at least a few people have bugged me about writing something. If you follow my fitness blog at all, you'll see I've been a little more active there. It's a little more lighthearted - recipe posts, my thoughts on fitness, etc. But I'm moving over here today.

To be honest, my heart has been dealing with a few big things (that I will write about soon), and it didn't feel right to post about anything else in the meantime. Not that I wait until I have it all together before I share something with you, but I really wanted to tell you about those things. But I couldn't yet. It's coming.

All of that got me thinking about "having it all together" and what that looks like in our world. Not so much the steady job, nice car, married with two kids scenario, but more of a spiritual and mental togetherness that qualifies us to lead and inspire other people. The idea of making sure you have it figured out before you try to help someone else.

I have learned so many times, as I'm sure you have too, that it truly is only God who qualifies us and we are never really "ready" for what He has planned for us next. He never asks us to have our lives figured out to darn near perfection before He leads us to lead others. We all know this in some way or another, and know that He fills in the gaps for where we don't measure up.

What I want to share and acknowledge are the people He uses to believe in and inspire us before we believe in ourselves. We have all had them in our lives. The beautiful people who walk into our messy little world and say in one way, shape or form, "You can do this. I believe in you." They may not even realize how much they have influenced you. But to you, it could be the difference of following your biggest dream or forever being too scared to try. I want to thank some of those people in my life. You probably have some similar ones, so think about them as you read about mine.

To the elementary school teacher who taught me and seven other students from grades one through six in our tiny little school on a hill: 

Thank you for believing in a rowdy class of seven year-olds who played "pet shop",
"orphanage", and even "dog pile" the moment you left the room. You knew we were nuts and you loved us for it. We all felt like your own kids, and you valued us, even when we didn't deserve it. Thank you for giving me extra school work and books to read, knowing my busy little brain needed a little more. Thank you for believing that we could be spiritual warriors, even at that age, and teaching us about the power of prayer, how to worship, and even the baptism of the Holy Spirit. I will never forget learning about and actually using the spiritual gifts when I was just in grade three, and knowing that I could be powerfully used by God, no matter my age. What an amazing gift.

To a few specific teachers in high school who thought better of me than I deserved:

Thank you for believing I was late for class after lunch because I was doing student council activities, when I was really just off in the bush up to no good. Ahem. Thank you for accepting me into student council as a shy little grade nine kid, and showing me what it meant to be a leader. You taught me how to influence my peers, set goals and make decisions, interview people, and plan events. All of this led to my passion for my current career, and I would have never guessed I possessed those skills. Thank you for making me speak in public when I didn't believe I could, only to find out I loved it and want to do it for the rest of my life. Thank you for causing me to rise to the challenges and believe I was always capable of more. 

To the director of a summer camp who put me in leadership positions at my lowest point:

Thank you for seeing past my enormous amount of imperfections and asking me to lead teams of girls. You didn't know it at the time, but I had hit rock bottom only a month prior and chose to spend my summer there in hopes of putting myself back together. My heart needed mending, and I knew Jesus would meet me there if I followed His leading. The plan was to duck my head and blend into the background while I quietly served and healed. But God knows that's never been my style and He had other plans in mind. Thank you for being obedient and putting me in roles I thought were best suited by other women; women who "had it all together" and who would do a better job than me at teaching girls how to love themselves, love each other, and that they are beautiful. Leading all of those amazing girls probably taught me more than them. I had no faith in myself, but you did, and by the grace of God, I rose to the occasion. You spoke words of life over me that I will never forget.  Thank you for believing anyone can be used, no matter their past.

To the co worker who trained me to do my job and knew I could handle the position of director:

Thank you for setting an incredible example of how to do this job well, while still having a ton of fun. You taught me the various skills that it takes and never criticized me in my learning curve. We went through some of the most difficult times our department had ever faced, but we gained so much valuable experience and we (let's be serious) totally rocked it together. But you taught me so much more than just work-related lessons. You were a mentor, both spiritually and relationally, and I gleaned so much wisdom from your fun-loving, yet intense and wise nature. I was terrified when you left, and didn't believe I could do the job without your guidance. But you had confidence I could step into that role, and knew I would succeed as the youngest director of the company. I love my job, and could have never gotten here without your faith in my abilities.

And finally, just to be cheesy...

To my husband who believes in me every day:

Thank you for believing your friend when he told you it would be worth to come to the library. You didn't know you would meet me, fall in love, and pursue me for the next year. Thank you for believing I would eventually say yes to your asking, and that it would lead to a wild adventure together. You believe in my goals when I don't see how they're possible. You show me the progress when I don't see it. You believe in my love, even when it's not shown. You believe in the power of us, even when we forget that we're on the same team. You make me accomplish greater things than I ever would on my own, and believe in the power of Christ in me. I wouldn't want anyone else on my team, and I believe in the power of our unity.

There are obviously so many more people I could write about (my incredible parents and brothers, God-given friends, encouraging trainers, every single one of you who read this blog, etc.) but this is a snapshot of the people who have influenced me by believing in me before I thought myself capable.

Now the challenge in this is not only to think about those people in your life, but to be the same for someone else. To be someone who encourages, inspires, leads, motivates, and believes in a person, even if they don't feel they have what it takes. To love people, truly unconditionally, and to see the potential and call it out in them. Find the gold in people and bring it to the surface. Make people feel valuable and worthy, even when it's not easily seen. You may have to dig a little and get all "diamond in the rough" on them. But think about the impact you could have on their life and the great things they could accomplish with your encouragement. The only thing it may cost you is a little pride, and the results are astounding.  

So think about the people who have influenced you, thank them if you can, and be that same person to someone else.

Make up-less and Vulnerable

If you are a woman with a Facebook account, chances are you have been nominated by a lovely friend to post a picture of yourself without any make up on. If you haven't been tagged in one of these photos yet, chances are you have at least seen them and wondered if your turn was coming next and if you would actually comply or not. It's just a little Facebook trend, right?

I saw these pictures pop up all over my news feed and knew that sooner or later, someone would ask to see my smiling face all bare and naked. The trend is slowing down a bit now, and there's all sorts of comments about it ranging from, "You are so naturally beautiful! Thank you for sharing." to "No way am I showing that to the world!" to "What's the big deal? It's just make up. Girls wear too much of it anyway!" The whole thing is really quite fascinating, and obviously speaks to a greater meaning than just showing off our freckly noses and bed head.

What is that greater meaning, exactly?

Oh yes, body image and showing natural beauty and feeling confident about who we are as women are all huge parts of this. But there's something else that has really intrigued me about these gorgeous, brave, and encouraging women. It's the vulnerability.

Many guys seem quite confused by the novelty us women have placed on these photos. Some think it's strange to put so much importance on bare faces, and some think the make up discussion in general is just dumb pointless. If you are a man that falls into this category, I would strongly encourage you to talk to a woman who actually found this to be a challenge. You may gain some insight to the female psyche and get to the heart of it all.

Sure, it won't be difficult for every girl. Maybe you hardly wear make up on a regular basis, so what's the difference? But maybe you're like the girl in the very first picture I saw in this trend who is ashamed of her bare skin because of scars and past shame. Maybe you never leave the house without make up on because you feel like you don't "look like yourself" without it. Maybe you don't want people you aren't even close to but keep around on Facebook anyway to see "the real you". I am guilty of all of the above.

As women, we know that we want to break free of all that nonsense, and it's liberating when we do something that brings us closer to that freedom; like post an unedited version of ourselves on social media. It feels good to be so vulnerable and, in turn, have people affirm our value and beauty.

Can we all do a little more of that in real life? Social media can be an excellent platform for encouragement and positive movements, and I fully support (most of) them. But nothing compares to opening yourself up to another human being and exposing the deep places of your heart. Letting people see you for who you really are because you are confident in that. Taking off the guards of having it all together and telling it like it is. Maybe even more than just with those close to you. I'm not saying spill your guts to every acquaintance you have (I would potentially be guilty of this), but be less concerned with what those people think of your life and how you're living it.

And the flip side: be someone who encourages and constantly pours out.  

Hand out as many compliments in a day as you would like to receive.

Really listen when people open up to you.

Give positive affirmation to their emotions and validate their thoughts.  

Be generous with your words.

Tell people how you really feel about them.

This side is probably more liberating than the one of being vulnerable. Just make sure you're filling yourself up as you pour out. Go to Jesus for that. He's the expert on that one ;)

So as you look at pictures of beautiful women you call friends, affirm their beauty and love on them. Validate their bravery and freedom. Not just for their make up-less face; but for being vulnerable. 

"The Biggest Loser" and Body Image - From A Recent Fitness Freak's Perspective

I really was going to wait a little longer to write something like this. I was going to sort it all out in my head and get it all right in my heart. I was going to be good at it myself before I told other people to do the same.

But I said, screw it.

No one wants to listen to someone who has it all together, and sometimes it's easier to talk about it when you're right in the middle of it, as opposed to after the fact when your perspective is a little different. You forget some of the really hard parts. So here goes.

Social media is going nuts right now with the results of Rachel Frederickson - the winner of this season's "The Biggest Loser". I don't watch the show or even have cable in order know the outcome: Google and Facebook are enough to tell me that everyone is freaking out and I probably should too.

Like a rational social media user, I decided to look into more details of the story before I started spouting off conclusions on the issue. The basic facts are that Rachel was a 260 pound woman who went on The Biggest Loser, and won the show at 105 pounds. Here is one of the pictures that has people upset.

People are saying that she looks too thin, gaunt, and unhealthy. There's also the group of people who are angry at those who shame skinny girls. And the people who shame overweight girls. And the people whose definition of "skinny" and "overweight" differ. The whole thing is a giant uproar about what is and looks "healthy". 

There are far too many, better written posts surrounding this particular story, so I won't dig any deeper into this one. I will just state my opinion that The Biggest Loser is a terrible depiction of healthy weight loss, and their timelines are unrealistic for any sort of sustainability. There is a lot of deception and false hope for people who are struggling with losing weight, and it is damaging a lot of mindsets.

But my issue right now is with something a little bit different. I can recognize the improbability of extreme weight loss and quick fixes. I'm past that point. My body is at the point of incredibly slow transformation that is not much to talk about. People excitedly ask me, "How much weight have you lost?" The truth is, not much in total. If I'm being honest, I will tell you that I haven't lost a single pound in 6 months. My inches have pretty much stayed the same. I have some progress pictures (for my eyes only at this point) that seem to barely change. Slow and steady weight loss is key, they tell me. Well some days I get pretty darn frustrated with the slowness of it all, and actually desire some Biggest Loser style transformations in my body. But then...

I think about my motivation behind all of this. This is what I have struggled with the most. Do I want to be healthy? Yes. Do I want to be fit so I can do physical activities? Yes. Do I want to feel good on the inside because I'm eating clean? Yes. Do I want to inspire people? Yes. Do I want to challenge myself to do something I've never done before? Yes. Do I want to be the hottest girl on the beach this summer? Ummm...well....yeahkindamaybeyes.

I've had verrrrrry many conversations with myself and others about this topic of motivation, and I can honestly say I have surrounded myself with the best, most kind-hearted people imaginable. I am always being reminded of how beautiful I am, to have balance in my life, and encouragement to do this for healthy, not vain, reasons.

And I know that. But do I know that? In the depths of my heart, do I know that being "hot" is not a beneficial motivator to become fit and healthy? It's definitely a struggle. Part of it comes from my own perceptions of other people's expectations. I train 5 days a week and eat according to a strict meal plan 95% of the time. Those around me see this and tell me they are inspired by my dedication and focus. They also sometimes tell me they can't wait to see the results of my hard work. Well neither can I, but I think I have convoluted ideas about what those will look like. And about what others think they will look like.

I follow a lot of "fitspo" on Instagram, and most of it is very inspiring and encouraging. I repost a lot of it myself. But then there's stuff that until recently, I followed with no second thoughts. Pictures of girls I aspire to look like. Pictures of girls with fit bodies, gorgeous hair, and sexy poses. Pictures of girls that fit my idea of "fit and sexy". Quite literally as I was writing this post, Justin sent me this picture with the message, "I saw this and thought of you and your struggles today. You are awesome, amazing, and beautiful. Instagram chicks are whack."

Hilarious and so so true. A bikini competitor is something I will become in a year, and I am so incredibly excited for the challenge. But I do NOT want to be confused for a porn star. Oh my gosh, no.

While most of what drives me is completely genuine and healthy, there is this small part that I know needs to go. It's the jealousy, the superiority, the need to be more than others. It's an ugly monster that sneaks its way under my bed from time to time. I figure being honest about it to the whole world is a way to get rid of it permanently. I love this fitness life, but I don't have room for that nonsense.

It all comes down to body image and for me, discovering what God says about my body. It's so much more than the "I love my body!" mantra. And yet, that's all it is. Loving ourselves. The whole way through. Loving ourselves when we decide we want to lose some weight. Loving ourselves while we are losing weight. Loving ourselves when we are not trying to lose weight. Loving ourselves when we've reached a goal. Loving ourselves when we are frustrated with not meeting our goals. Loving ourselves through the entire journey of life, no matter what stage we are in.

One of the benefits of being the youngest person in my workplace by about 20 years is that I get to soak in all sorts of wisdom and insight by beautiful women with great life experience. I admire all of these women and think they are all truly gorgeous and wonderful. And they think I'm just the bomb with my 24-year-old body, skin, and hormones. Most days I find it hilarious and charming and a little ridiculous. But some days I really look at what they are trying to say to me. "You are young and vibrant and beautiful. Your body is going to go through a lot of different things over the years, so enjoy it now. Your youth is something to relish in and live out to the fullest. Don't waste time talking negatively about yourself. You are lovely."

I see so much beauty in their wisdom, in their faces, in their bodies. I value their words and the depth of them as they finally reach my heart. They are so right. There is no time for negative words about my body image, especially while I'm young, and probably in the best shape I will ever be in. Aging is beautiful and I don't fear it, but I do fear regretting the way I felt about myself while I was young.

So I am learning to love my body - the whole way through.  

God is Sneaky

Have you ever discovered parts of God's character that you didn't realize existed and find fascinating?

I have definitely found this in my own pursuit and learning of God, and I love it. It usually makes me laugh and get really excited. Kind of like when I find out after 8 years of being with Justin that he knows the words to every Beyonce song and used to be really good at piano. I love discovering new things about the ones I am closest to, and the same applies to my Creator.

There are some core basics we know about God that we may see or hear about more often:  He is loving, He is a good Father, He is full of grace. This doesn't always mean they are easy to understand or feel for ourselves, but we know they are true if we believe the Bible to be truth.

In Sunday school, you may have heard some other, more unique characteristics of God:

"God is funny and has a sense of humour. Just look at the hippopotamus!"

Or in a worship service, you may have heard:

"God is jealous. He desires your heart and your time. He wants to be your only god." (Exodus 20:5)

God's character is so vast and there is always more to learn, which keeps a relationship with Him so interesting. And there are always different ways of identifying those traits, which is why I would like to tell you a story of how I determined that God is sneaky.

Have you ever asked God what you should change in yourself? Realizing you have some (erm, many) character flaws and choosing to focus on one to better yourself and make yourself more like Him?

Maybe it's for selfish reasons, like you want people to notice and like you more, so you work on ways to improve their opinion of you.

Maybe it's for misunderstood doctrinal reasons, like you're not getting the answers to prayers you'd like, so you decide to "fix" yourself to make God listen to you more.

Maybe it's for selfless and biblical reasons, and you really just want to become more Christ-like in all areas of your life. (Let's hope it's this one. I'm tired of my own wrong motives for change, and know that my best results come with a pure heart.)

I recently asked this question, and, story of my motives aside, got a pretty clear answer. Because it's still quite fresh and I'm still in a long process of pruning it, I'll spare you the details of the branch I need to cut off. But I knew there was something in my life that needed to be removed, and was actually quite hopeful about the development.

So I went straight to the written Word of God. (Thank you Christian elementary school for teaching me how to use my concordance like nobody's business!) The verses I found on the subject were quite clear that this thing did not belong in my heart. It made it so obvious that it was a desire of the flesh, which is our human nature without God.

Ps. Our human nature without God stinks. It's really gross and full of nasty things that I don't want in my life. Even the word "flesh" grosses me out. Then whyyyyyy do I give into it so often? Oh the irony.

But how, God? It's so simple to know I don't want to be like this, but how do I get rid of it? My heart is a messy place and the voices in my head can be so loud. It's overwhelming to think about the process of reconstructing my thought life and getting rid of this gross thing. (Keep in mind, I'm talking about one trait, not a personality overhaul. God doesn't ask for overnight transfiguration.)

"Keep reading," He says.

Galatians 5:16, "But I say, walk and live habitually in the Holy Spirit (responsive to and controlled and guided by the Spirit); then you will certainly not gratify the cravings and desires of the flesh (of human nature without God)."

Hmm. So in order to get rid of pesky and unnecessary desires of my stupid flesh (eugghh), I simply need to live in and be guided by Your Spirit? I just need to...spend time with You?!

God, You're so sneaky!!!  

Everything You teach us is a grand design to be in relationship with us! Your greatest desire is to spend time with us and have us know Your heart. Time in your Presence replaces our human nature thoughts with Your thoughts. Time in Your Word replaces nonsense with truth. Time with You makes us more like You. 

Sneaky may not be the best word, but it's what makes me smile and become so in awe of my Jesus who just wants to be with me. There's no striving in that. There's no overhauls and grueling tasks. It's simple. It's time with You, Jesus. You are our greatest desire and all we need. Actually.