Middle of the Journey

Have you ever been in the middle of something challenging, and gotten really impatient for the end result? Of course you have. You're a human being. Unless you aren't (robot? animal? alien?), in which case you have never experienced the devastating disappointment of not being "finished" yet.  

It could be anything; a project at work or school that you are in right in the middle of, and just really want it to be completed. A bump in your relationship that you know you need to work through, but you'd rather just jump to the make up....kisses.... Or maybe you're battling with an internal anger issue or self esteem problem, and you would love to skip to the part where you feel really free and great about yourself.

We all have them. Let's call them journeys.

One of my biggest journeys at the moment is fitness. Fitness is hard. It is probably the hardest thing I have ever done. Maybe that means I haven't been through a lot, but I will say it again; it is hard! And it's not the gym I seem to have an issue with. I work out with Justin and two other friends, so even though I want to curl up in a puddle of my own sweat when I'm done, the social aspect alone motivates me to go regularly.

It's the *%^&@# food! I'm realizing more and more how addicted I am to food. I don't have a limit either. I'm not a girl who says, "I just tried the most delicious salad at this new restaurant!" I'm more like, "I just ate half a double pepperoni pizza from Pizza Hotline, then spent $14 at Menchies, and it was AWESOME!" (I'm not exaggerating. This has happened.) I could literally eat all day long.

I've never thought of myself as an emotional eater, but when I'm tempted to reach for a cupcake or a handful of popcorn, it's because I want it to make me FEEL good. I am an extroverted, passionate, feeler, and everything is about emotions. I also know that eating something good for me will make me FEEL good, especially afterwards. But it's hard to look past the now. It's hard to see that further along this journey, I will have more success, more victories, and more progress. I learned that fitness is 20% training and 80% diet, and I wanted to give up right then and there. 80% diet?!? But working out is the easier part! I bust my butt! I give it my all! Doesn't that count?! Well yes, but only about 20%. Grrr.

I started following a lot of fitness inspiration (or "fitspo" as I had to look up on Urban Dictionary) on Instagram lately. One page is completely full of before and after shots. It's incredible. The transformation of these women almost brings me to tears sometimes. They are my heroes, and I am so inspired by the work they put into their bodies to change their lives. But then I look at the dates on the pictures. 2009 to 2013. Summer 2010 to summer 2013. 2006 to 2013. Most of them are LONG journeys. And even though their pictures don't show you the middle part, you know an amazing amount of work went into that transformation.

We often forget that we are in the middle of our journey, not the end. Maybe we're even at the very beginning. And sometimes there will never actually be an end. I don't plan to have an end goal to my fitness. I don't have a final finish line; only check points. I know God works the same way in our hearts. We are always on a journey with Him, and sometimes it's really trying. Sometimes it's the really intense, life changing processes that we are smack in the middle of, and we want to be finished. I am not saying that He is always the one who puts us through them. Many things in life are due to our own foolish choices. I'm talking more about when He works on our hearts and fine tunes the things about our lives to make us more like Him. His desire is always to have us closer to His heart, and that journey is not always easy.

Oh, but there are victories. There are beautiful feelings of accomplishments, joy, and satisfaction. We go through periods of rest in His Presence and delight in Him and who He is making us to be. We go through periods of wanting to give up and get out. We can't see the end result fast enough, so we think it's not working. And we always have the option of quitting. But who, really, wants to be a quitter? Who wants to start on an incredible journey with promising results, and quit when it gets too tough? I sure don't. Being comfortable is no longer for me!

So I gotta get my focus right and concentrate on the most important things. No more looking sideways (which is often more tempting than looking back). We are in the MIDDLE of our journeys, friends. But we will reach our goals soon enough.      

Perfect Timing

Waiting in an airport gives you plenty of time to think. And write if you're into that kind of thing. I just so happen to be, so I will hope to entertain with some mindless musings. I promise to not disappoint with the mindless aspect, as I have at this point not slept in 24 hours. 

While our final destination of Riviera Maya, Mexico will be a wonderful experience, the process of getting there is not as much. Our first flight at 6am was delayed two hours. This means our previous genius plan to throw a big party, eat lots of sugar and energy drinks, and have friends drive us to the airport for 3:30am is looking slightly foolish in hindsight. Not being able to close my eyes while also having a giant stomachache may not be the best way to start a vacation. 

It is, however, what my current circumstances are, so I will deal with them nonetheless. My partner in crime seems to be able to sleep in the upright position, which I envy but admire. I am incredibly grateful for his patience and sweet nature. I am more like a snarly bear with bad breath (hold onto that mental picture for a minute), but he simply kisses me on the forehead and tells me how beautiful I am. I am far too lucky. 

While I was waiting in one of many areas, I opened my lovely Olive Tree Bible study app and read Psalm 20. Do you know what it says? 

Verse 1: "May the Lord answer you in the day of trouble! May the name of the God of Jacob protect you!"

Verse 4: "May he grant you your heart's desire and fulfill all your plans!"

Look at that. The three things I'm praying for right now: help for my trouble (however trivial: please don't lose my luggage),  protection (lets stay safe and feel healthy), and my heart's desire (to be in gorgeous Mexico with my husband). Praying in this case might be another term for slightly whiny conversation with God; but somehow He blesses me all the same with beautiful scripture aimed right at my needs in the moment. His timing is always incredible, even through my persistent impatience. I am continuously blown away. 

I think I'll stop being whiny now and try to sleep on a bench with the hubs. Or just watch him. He's pretty cute ;)